Allergy Season

Sup?

Surprised I'm back so soon? Eh, what can I say, I'm crazy unpredictable like that. I guess I'm just in the mood to talk about things (naturally pop-culture things) that confuse, bore, or just plain bug me. Read on if ya like.

Enjoy (btw these aren't in any particular order):

1.) Mad Men

Why?? Why, oh, Why do people love this bore-fest so much?? I've tried watching it twice now. Both times, I literally fell asleep. I know my opinion might come off as shallow (especially considering the myriad awards this show has received) but has anyone below 40 actually made it past a single episode? Food for thought...Oh and if you were wondering how boring Mad Men actually is, see that picture above? That's just about as exciting as it gets.

2.) Matthew Broderick

If over-acting was a crime, Broderick would be Cell Block D's bitch by now...eehh...a guy can dream, right?...His repertoire of standout crapfests includes: Deck the Halls, Inspector Gadget, and pretty much any public appearance he's ever made. And to think that I adore his lovely wife...Sarah Jessica, wtf were you thinking???

Okay, I'm going to get lynched for this one...(Remember: this list is based solely on my personal opinion...)

3.) Beyoncé

Before you pop a glock in my mouth and make a brain slushie (holla at Jessi Slaughter), hear me out. First off, Beyoncé is not the diva queen. That title is reserved for GaGa. If not Madge. Secondly, I was never a fan of the old B...I was always loyal to the lovely Kelly Rowland who, in my opinion, has the best voice of the original trio (check out her awesome new single below). Add to that the fact that she has a big ego, she's married to Jay-Z, she can't dance to save her life, and oh yeah, her music blows.



4.) David Letterman

The worst late night talk-show host. Ever. Combining humorless jokes with not-so-subtle cynicism and one heck of a creepy laugh, Letterman is the Mr. Herbert of late night. I mean, c'mon, I can't be the only one that gets a pervy vibe from this dude, right?

5.) The LOST Finale

Ugh, where do I even start?? I watch a lot of television (some might even say that's an understatement) but I have never fallen in love with a show the way I did with LOST. That is, until the mind-numbingly flawed finale. After sticking with the survivors of Oceanic 815 for 6 years, I was indeed expecting a payoff in the form of some goddamn answers! And [SPOILER ALERT] I was sadly disappointed. Sure the acting was phenomenal (Matthew Fox, I salute you) but was it enough to save the finale from a cheese overdose and a blatant writing cop-out? Nope.

6.) Laugh Tracks

I know this doesn't really count as pop-culture but I seriously can't help it. Laugh tracks are the bane of my existence. I honestly don't get them. Why would anyone want to be told when to laugh?? And it drives me crazy when the laugh track plays and there is absolutely nothing worth laughing about...

Consider this: does The Big Bang Theory really need laugh tracks to be hilarious? If you ask me, I'd say that those goofy nerds would be better off without the contrived giggles of robotic people. But hey, that's just my opinion.

7.) Howie Mandel

How is this guy famous? Have you ever noticed how every time he says something "supportive" and "nice" to one of the contestants on AGT, he has to immediately supplement said flattery with condescending drivel? And on top of that, the dude thinks he's funny and knows comedy.

Want to actually laugh? Check out the video below (skip around to 3:00 if you don't want to see the creepy act) and witness how Howie's comedy career could take off.



8.) The Cancellation of Good TV Programs

I know, I know, good tv shows have been getting prematurely euthanized for years (*cough cough* Arrested Development!). But something just doesn't seem right in a world where shows like Bones get to outlive 24 (R.I.P. Jack Bauer) Other honorable cancellations include Dollhouse and the clever Party Down.

9.) Shitty Best Picture Winners

What the eff is up with the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences lately? First they let Slumdog Millionaire (a hugely overrated and clichéd piece of Hollywood fluff) win over Benjamin Frickin' Button. Then they have the audacity to give the night's most prestigious award to what is the most financially unsuccessful winner of all time (for good reason as The Hurt Locker is a crapfest of epic proportions)?? It seems as though some people need to get off the Kool-Aid and vote for the real winners. Oh, and in case you didn't get it, the cookie-cutter picture above is a metaphor. Oh, yeah.

10.) Jerry Seinfeld

Remember how I said that this list was in no particular order? I lied. At least for this part. Jerry Seinfeld takes the cake because he simultaneously confuses, bores, and annoys me. From the beginning, Seinfeld has come off as an obnoxious and talentless hack. I'm sorry but Seinfeld is the single most overrated show of all time...talk about not funny. To follow such a vapid show with even more pathetic projects is just...well, pathetic (I'm looking at you Bee Movie and the Marriage Ref). And on top of that, he dissed GaGa in an obvious attempt to get back in the spotlight. Sorry Jerry, but you make me gag.

Haha, hope you enjoyed. Feel free to leave me some love!

Hasta la Bye-Bye,

The Guy in the (Not so) Horn-Rimmed Glasses