My Love Affair with Stefani Germanotta

2009 was a decent year, considering. I started college, realized that I have a strong dependency on my parents, saw a bunch of films that are now on my favorite 20 list (see previous post) and best of all: earlier this year, I met a girl.

I was engaging in my morning ritual of warm toast and music videos when she came into my life. She and I just hit it off as they say. She hails from a small Italian family in Manhattan and I from a small island in the Caribbean. It was meant to be.

Stefani or Lady Gaga (as her non-familial compadres refer to her) is a performer--in every sense of the word. We immediately bonded over our dramatic personalities and love for out-of-this-world outfits. From the get-go, I knew that Stefani and I were destined to be soul-mates. Even though she's said that the only thing she cares about in a partner is "a big dick", I know in my heart that every time she sings "Alejandro", she mourns inside for my long-lost love. That song, a sendoff of all of her lovers (code for me) utters my name repeatedly. She strategically placed it between Alejandro and Roberto so I seem like a step in the ladder of her relationships but I like to think of that placement as a pyramid. A pyramid who's pinnacle is at my name.

In the end I know she cared about me because I once told her that she should wear a full-face white mask with pointy tips for one of her videos. She did...but sadly, however, she did so only after we had broken up. I guess it was a form of closure for her. I just never saw the signs. She was always babbling about being caught in some kind of bad romance. I guess I should've listened...

Ironically, listening is all I do now. Her songs are smash hits and the world worships her fame. Having to listen to her angelic vocal chords, to be fair, is the cruelest punishment of all. Stefani Germanotta, to borrow a line from your song "Monster" off the hit new album, The Fame Monster, "You ate my heart."

Hasta Luego,

The Guy in the (Not so) Horn-Rimmed Glasses

Questions? Concerns? Advice? Insults? Lay em' on me!